How To Cheat And Not Get Caught!

So you want out of your relationship, and you’re too much of a chicken to be honest with your partner about your feelings. Or, you’ve found a hot new side piece, but you’re not willing to let go of your current flame before diving in head first. If you’re already planning to cheat, there’s no convincing you otherwise, but at least exercise a little tact so that you don’t get yourself caught - a save a few hearts from breaking at the same time.

Develop Your Alibi Ahead Of Time

Coming up with a good excuse for showing up three hours late is a lot harder on the fly. Pre-plan your reasons a few days before, and schedule your alibi assistants - otherwise known as your friends - to be prepared to answer any questions that your partner may have for them regarding your tardiness. Memorize your story and stick to it, so that details don’t start changing later on and give your partner a reason to suspect something.

Keep It Simple, Stupid

No need to create some elaborate story to cover your tracks. The more simple your excuse, the better. Don’t get into crazy details. Instead, stick to the important facts, such as where you were, why you were there, and why it made you later than expected. If you start getting a little too involved in your stories, you’re much more likely to arouse some suspicion, or screw your story up altogether.

Stay On The Other Side Of Town

Unless you’re dating a hermit, your significant other has friends. And their friends have a loyalty to your partner that no amount of begging or bargaining can break. Run into one of them while you’re out with your secret partner in crime, and you can be guaranteed your boyfriend or girlfriend will know exactly what you’ve been up to before you have a chance to hit the send button on your cell phone to explain. Stay out of the popular watering holes, and stay in an area of town that you usually don’t frequent. Besides, taking your lover to your partner’s favorite movie theatre or burger joint runs you the risk of running into the one person you’re trying to hide your affair from - and no amount of explaining is going to get you out of that one.

Check In With Your Partner Frequently

If your significant other is anything like my husband, they call you while you’re out for the evening without them - over and over and over again. This is not the time to blow off their incessant phone calls. Not only will it get them worrying, they’ll be ready for a fight when you finally arrive home, and you may be more inclined to let the little details slip, letting your partner know what you’ve really been up to. If your new lover doesn’t know about the one you’ve got at home, excuse yourself every hour and make your phone calls in the bathroom. Your lover may think you have bladder control issues, but that’s slightly more preferable than coming home to a very irate significant other who wants to know what - or who - you’ve been doing all night.

Cheating is a lot of work, if you haven’t figured that out yet. Think about what you’re getting yourself into before you start. 99% of the time, cheaters get caught, and the relationship they were trying to protect from destruction almost always comes crashing down. If you really feel like you need a change from your current status, have a discussion with your partner. Maybe it’s time to infuse some spice into your relationship, or maybe you’ll find out your partner feels the same way, and it’s time to move on. Sure, an honest discussion is tough work, but it’s a lot easier than cheating, if you ask me.